TORONTO — In a landmark concession to human nature, fitness chain IronCore announced a new subscription tier: the "Ghost Membership," allowing customers to pay $49 per month to avoid the gym while maintaining the illusion of fitness intent. Sloth in denial, Sarah Jenkins, who has graduated from unused running shoes, uneaten vegetables, and neglected calorie counter to the world beating unused gym membership, was satisfied. "It’s completely transformed my lifestyle," praised inaugural member Sarah while comfortably adjusting her sweatpants on the sofa. "I haven’t walked more than 200 steps today, but knowing that $49 left my account makes me feel like I’ve practically completed a triathlon."
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